If you’re feeling hesitant, uncertain, even paralysed when you need or want to speak French, know that you are not alone! A few of you have written to me asking for help. I didn’t study psychology, but I feel certain enough to say that questions of confidence are things that we all struggle with in some area of life, or at some period in our life.
Learning a language happens in small improvements over a long period of time. Developing speaking confidence in a new language is no different.
If you’re struggling, please be kind to yourself. Start small and try not to overwhelm yourself. For example, give yourself one little challenge every day to build confidence. You can even start with something like saying bonjour in a clear, audible voice instead of mumbling it and looking away.
When your challenge is no longer a challenge, increase the complexity just a little bit more. For example, instead of just bonjour, this time try bonjour, ça va bien?, in a clear voice. And with a smile.
As you go along, take note of all your successes. At the end of the day, write them down. You can start slowly, like just one thing a day, but consider aiming for five a day with time. Write down your successes over a long period of time, like a few months. If this seems excessive to you, remind yourself that speaking confidence is something that you learn and work towards.
Increase the complexity in a way that provides you with a comfortable challenge, like it’s a game. If you’re feeling horrible stress, go back down a step or two. It should be just a little more challenging than last time, not a lot more stressful. Preserve your sanity.
Remember that you can learn to be a confident speaker. And in the same way that you don’t have to master French today, you don’t have to master confidence today either. Relax. Work on it a little bit each day. All of your little successes in confidence will add up over time and grow into bigger ones. You’ll look back and see the progress you’ve made over time.
If you’re telling yourself some horrible negative stuff in your head, why not replace those thoughts with something more friendly?
“That was really difficult for me, but I did it. Even though it was difficult, I feel I can do it again.”
“Hmm. OK. That didn’t go as well as I hoped it would. That’s OK. I took the challenge, and I’m willing to try again.”
“Even if I don’t say it right, at least I’ll feel good that I took the challenge. That’s more important than perfect French.”
“I did it! That feels really good. Hmm, maybe I can try to see the challenge of this as something fun after all.”
And there will always be humorous incidents that help smooth the path to learning. Here’s one I especially remember: Years ago, shortly after my wife and I arrived in Quebec City, we were stepping out of the house one day to go shopping. The lady next door was old, probably lonely, and loved to chat with people who passed by. I was locking our door and this lady was speaking very fast with my wife who was just beginning to study French at the time. I told the lady, “Madame, vous savez, ma femme ne parle pas très bien le français.” The lady, without batting an eyelash, shot back with, ”C’est pas grave. Moi, je ne peux pas parler l’anglais !”
What you write reminds me of an incident in Istanbul. (I lived there for a while.) I was looking for a school that I needed to go to, and so I asked a security guard for help in the best Turkish that I could.
In Turkish, I asked:
“Can you tell me how to get to (name of school), please?”
All he saw was FOREIGNER on my forehead, so he responded in English to my question by saying:
“But I don’t speak English.”
Oh! But do you speak Turkish, my friend? 😉
you sure you did not study in psychology? It’s good stuff you have suggested, thanks lots.