Last year while in Italy, I was hit by a van. The van drove over my left foot, crushing all the toes and the ankle. My foot looks pretty mangled.
Three months after the accident (and three surgeries later), my surgeon told me during a check-up that I could start walking again. Before that moment, he had instructed me to not put my foot to the ground.
When he told me to start walking again, I thought he was crazy. There was no way I could put pressure on the foot with all the pain I was in. And, yet, here was my surgeon telling me that I could start walking again.
I went home after that check-up and tried to walk. I couldn’t take one single step. Not only that, I couldn’t even bear to put my foot down for more than a few seconds. I kept trying every day. But, one month after that last check-up, I could manage only one very painful and hesitating step.
When I went back for another check-up, the surgeon scoffed when I told him I was unable to walk. For him, I should have been walking around like nothing had happened by that point. He even laughed at me.
Then he took a look at the foot and realised something was indeed wrong. He diagnosed CRPS. I was unable to walk not because I was being a wimp but because of a medical condition.
A year has passed since the accident. I still struggle with the foot every day. I walk with a limp and it’s painful. But I can take many steps now. I’m pretty sure that I even walk more in one day than some people without physical problems.
I say this not to brag but to say that it’s possible to work through difficult situations if you do it slowly. I had to stop listening to my surgeon in order to make progress. He wanted me to be up on my feet and walking around faster than my body would allow. His attitude undermined my confidence and made me feel pretty bad about myself.
Even I’m guilty of that attitude, though. It’s easy for me to say that you should listen to a few hours of French a day, or get out there and talk to people. But if you haven’t made this a habit yet, getting started can be very difficult.
At the end of January, I was able to take one step. By the end of February, I could take about ten. In March, I made better progress. I started taking hundreds of steps with the help of my crutches. This summer, I even managed to start walking a kilometre at a time.
I still have bad days, days when I can barely get out of bed. Some days I even come back home in the evening and wish that I had lost my foot in the accident because the pain is so intense. But — I can walk. I had to do it on my own terms, not on my surgeon’s. If I had listened to my surgeon, I’d have convinced myself that I was useless.
You can change your habits, but do it slowly. If you want to make listening to French every day a new habit, start so slowly that the amount seems ridiculous. For one month, I only took one step a day before my body would start screaming for me to stop.
The truth is that maybe even taking one step was too much for me. Maybe I should have just started by standing on the foot for a few seconds instead.
Start with listening to French for one minute a day. Just one minute. It’s such a small amount that it seems silly not to do it. After one week, double it to two minutes. If you keep doubling the amount like this, you’ll be at one hour a day after almost two months.
You can do this with any new habit that you want to form. Start with an amount so small that it barely feels like you’re doing anything. Increase the amount very slowly over the weeks that follow. If you try to do it all at once right from the start, you risk becoming overwhelmed and dropping it altogether.
I’ve learned to listen to my body, not the doctors. I know the difference now between just feeling lazy and being physically unable to do something. It’s good to push yourself when you’re feeling lazy, but when your body (or mind) needs a break or wants you to go more slowly, listen to it.
Felix, thanks for sharing a personal experience and connecting it to the learning of a language. It makes it all meaningful and unforgettable. In fact, what we’d like our language learning to be. I’m sure it will serve as broad inspiration to others. You’re walking on the right path.
Learning a language is like (re)learning how to walk — one step at a time, until one day you realise you can take thousands of steps. 🙂
I know just how you feel. In September 2012 I was bitten by a mosquito that was carrying the West Nile Virus. I went into the hospital on Sept 24th, and almost died the next day. The virus had attacked my brain – encephalitis. Two weeks later I was home and so weak that I needed to use a pair of pliers to open a bottle of water. I also struggled to get back, as I had both neurological and muscular damage to my upper body. It was five weeks before I could walk the six blocks to the grocery store to buy food, but I could only carry three or four things, but I kept getting stronger and better.
The last week of March, I decided to go out on my bike for the first time. It was cold, but sunny. I went around the block a few times to make sure I was OK, and then I went down through Verdun and Ile des Soeurs to the Estacade. It was the week before the bike paths open so the gate was locked, but the fence on the side had been cut and I was able to pull my bike through. I started off across the river, headed to the South Shore. The sun was bright, the wind was not too strong, and I could hear the water of the river below me. Suddenly, I started to laugh, uncontrollably. It was the moment that I realized that I had survived, and that I would have my life back again in some form. If you haven’t had your moment, you will… and it will be a moment you will never forget.
Stay strong.
Wow, what a story. I’m glad it ends in laughter! I love the estacade. It’s one of my favourite parts of Montréal. Full of flying bugs! One of them once ended up in my eye while biking.
Thanks for sharing your story, Felix. I was worried when you first revealed you were in the hospital several months back, but I’m encouraged to hear about your personal progress. You seem to have this innate ability to find relatable lessons in your experiences—both good and bad. I really appreciate your advice and help, even if my frustrations in learning a language seem trivial by comparison. Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration!
Thanks, Mark! I don’t have an innate ability, though. I’m still learning to see the positive when things go wrong.
Hi Felix, I just wanted to thank you for sharing this personal experience of yours, and to express my sympathies for the lesson of listening to your body and better understanding what it needs. I’ve been through a lot of medical stress of my own and you are absolutely, 100 percent right. It’s critical to listen to your body and understand your pain thresholds.
And drawing a parallel to one’s mental ability to take in data is awesome. I’ve been regularly reading for a while and I’ve very much appreciated the useful daily tidbits of Quebecois French that you provide. It’s a _great_ contrast with the more formal other sources I use to learn French as well.
It may amuse you to know that I even used a couple of your recent posts to do some bitching about my own medical situation yesterday on Facebook. 😉
I’m really happy that the blog has been useful. Yes, it does amuse me to know that you’ve used the material to bitch on Facebook!
Hi Felix! I love your blog. I have been following it for almost a year now! I have been dating a quebecer for a year and a half and made it a goal to learn to speak french! I live in the United States so I am taught very formal “France” french. In addition the two classes I took I had already self taught the information, so it helped to tie up some loose knots. This progress advice is wonderful! However I am currently in a slump right now and I feel as if I am not moving any more forward in progress! ( I also can not take any more classes at this time so it is back to entirely self teaching) do you have any experience or advice with hitting a wall in regards to learning french and if so what would you suggest to get past it.
Side note : I am terrified to speak the language in front of my boyfriend and his family. (In fact any native speaker) Maybe that is all that I need to move past now?
It sounds like you already know what to do next. 😉 Start speaking with your boyfriend. Say short, easy things in French to him at first. When you start to feel less weird about it, try to say more. Try to say some simple things in French to his family too. You’ll feel more confortable with time if you keep going with it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Felix. It’s incredibly encouraging, and I’m happy to see you’re getting better each day. You’re a very strong person – we could all learn a thing or two from you (besides French 😉 ).
I just came back from a trip to Colombia and this post reminded me about how much my Spanish improved just by removing the pressure to speak. I started with a word here or there and relied a lot on my husband’s translations. By the end I could speak short sentences and understand the majority of the conversation.
This post is also a remider to rid myself of the guilt of losing my French, which was once my maternal language. I find it embarrassing to speak French now, but if I take it a bit at a time, I’m sure I will get there sooner than I think. 🙂 Merci!
I think most of us probably don’t work better under too much stress. Removing the pressure to speak Spanish makes it much easier to remain willing to make mistakes and be playful, which is what we need to learn. You can learn French again, so there’s no reason to feel bad.
Wonderful post. First, I’m glad you’re making progress. Second, this came right when I needed it. Huge thanks!
I’m glad it helped!
Hi Felix
I also was diagnosed with CRPS after a serious shoulder surgery. I can relate to your pain. You have been such an inspiration to me as I continue to improve my French.
I can’t thank you enough
Jacqueline
Jacqueline, I hope you’re getting the treatment you need. CRPS is a real challenge. If you ever want to write to me, my email is on the About page.