“Aye, the roos are always mardy after winter. Unless thou restest in Montréal, bang sure. Then they’re mardy all year long. Ha ha ha!”
Imagine a parallel universe where the English language spoken in Canada had been influenced by Québécois French, and where it also conserved certain linguistic features that had fallen out of use in other English-speaking parts of the world.
What might that variety of English sound like?
Rupert and Samantha
- Rupert, I’m home!
- I’m in the cuisine, Samantha!
- Ah, there thou art. Crucifix! I pawnied a hesty of a hen’s nest out there on the roo. I almost scrapped the chariot!
- Aye, the roos are always mardy after winter. Unless thou restest in Montréal, bang sure. Then they’re mardy all year long. Ha ha ha!
- May’s on! Verily thou art funny, Rupert. But ’tis donbe true — those Montréal roos are full purrent! At least here in Toronto the roos are less posh.
- A-a-a-a-chhhoom!
- Oh tabernacle, Rupert! Tell me not thou hast another cold!
- Aye, some hesty of a gross cave externated on me when I was out magazining in the foremiddy.
- Art thou nezzing me? Now I’m tanned, I am. Every time thou pawniest a cold, thou hast such misery getting over it. Oh hesty, Rupert!
_ _ _
the cuisine: la cuisine (the kitchen)
thou art: tu es (you are)
crucifix!: crucifix! (goddammit!)
to pawnie a hen’s nest: pogner un nid-de-poule (to hit a pothole)
a hesty of a hen’s nest: un esti de nid-de-poule (a goddamn pothole)
the roo: la rue (the street)
to scrap the chariot: scraper le char (to wreck the car)
aye: oui (yes)
mardy: de la marde (shitty)
to rest in Montréal: rester à Montréal (to live in Montréal)
bang sure: bien sûr (of course)
May’s on!: mets-en! (you can say that again!)
verily: vraiment (truly)
’tis donbe true: c’est donc ben vrai (it’s just so true)
purrent: épeurant (scary)
posh: poche (crappy)
tabernacle!: tabarnak! (fuck!)
tell me not: dis-moi pas (don’t tell me)
thou hast: tu as (you have)
a gross cave: un gros cave (a big idiot)
a hesty of a gross cave: un esti de gros cave (a goddamn big idiot)
to externate: éternuer (to sneeze)
to magazine: magasiner (to shop)
in the foremiddy: dans l’avant-midi (in the [late] morning)
to nezz: niaiser (to kid)
tanned: tanné (fed up)
to pawnie a cold: pogner un rhume (to catch a cold)
thou hast misery: tu as de la misère (you have trouble)
hesty!: esti! (goddammit!)
Does this maybe remind you of what Québécois French might sound like to European francophones?
Obviously I’m nezzin’, and the dialogue above is highly exaggerated. But what’s interesting is that it still feels like English — a very different variety of English, but still English.
It’s no secret that Québécois French has borrowed words from English and often transformed them into something unique. It also conserves French usages that francophones abroad have stopped using.
A regular, spontaneous dialogue of the same length in Québécois French wouldn’t sound as exaggerated as the one above.
That said, Québécois French really is different to other varieties abroad — but it’s still French nonetheless, hesty!
_ _ _
Superb! I thought roos might refer to kangaroos, but no aussie language in there after all! Judy
Oh, that’s because in this parallel universe, the people stuck with the original term ‘kanguru’ picked up from an Australian traveller in the 1700s. Over time, it shortened to ‘guru’.
Ok, I’ll stop. 😛
Nezzing? verily thou hast started something! Bang sure! One could pawnie this tongue no worries!
May’s on. Verily ’tis full the fun communicating in this manner.
Felix! You are nothing short of ASTOUNDING!
Several years ago I was in a “local” bar in NYC (where I lived at the time) giving a bar-keep a few “pointers” in the finer art of French conversation, including (but not limited to) the essential fineries: tabarnak, tabarbouche, ostie, and the likes, when a young gentleman (young: late 20’s/early 30’s) (gentleman: he was ever so polite.. shocking because…well you’ll see) came to stand beside me and said, with an accent thicker than good poutine gravy (or what-ever the “French” equivalent might be):
Him: “You are speaking Québec French! This is amazing!”
Me: “Amazing? ” (Yes I was sincerely “amazed” that he found this “amazing”.)
Him: “Yes! I have just come from a week’s holiday in Québec! I am from France and I learned in school that people in Québec speak our language (I remember distinctly that he referred to it as “our language”) the way we used to speak in the 14th century! And when I arrived in Québec I found that this is TRUE! There are many things that I did not understand of course. And much of the French there is very much like the English, but it was wonderful for me! I was hearing my history and I was living in it!”
SO… yes indeed, for all the Anglicisms that have been tossed in, yup… not only is Québec French hysterical… it truly is… historical as well! Yay, verily and merrily mayhaps as well.
(Thank you SO much for this blog/site Felix. I SO enjoy reading it! You are probably the World’s Greatest asset to communication.)
It must be very intriguing for a European francophone to discover Québécois French. I’m thrilled that you like OffQc so much! Thanks for sharing your comment.
It’s interesting that the kind of changes you’re discussing here were exctly the kind of thing that *did* happen during the history of the english language, as a large number french of words only entered the dialect as a result of the Norman rule in Britain
When the speakers of one language come into contact with those of another in large enough numbers, borrowing words is natural and inevitable. I’m saddened when certain language boards attempt to eliminate borrowed words and create a sterilised version of the language instead.
I agree. I’m of the strong opinion that bilingualism is more beautiful than either of it’s constituent parts. At least I can say that from my vantage point in Montreal, anglos tend to use a handful of French words in the place of their English counterparts on a regular basis (‘guichet’ instead of ‘ATM’, ‘stage’ instead of ‘internship’, ”depanneur’ instead of ‘corner store’, and so on. I think we can do more and better to make bilingual media (radio, film, theatre, music, etc) that seamlessly crosses language lines, utilizing Frenglish and Franglais as necessary…
It’s almost odd, in a way, what Gabe has said, because it’s true. Even removed from Montreal for years, I’d gotten into the habit, as it were, of using certain words and phrases in French that just never translated into anything English. Just every-day little bits of statements and exclamations (and of course, the mandatory sacré which, in New York City meant absolutely nothing to people… who thought I was speaking Spanish… unless they spoke Spanish, in which case they simply dismissed it all). But indeed, just as the Francos are adopting English, the Anglos adopt the French… and that is just a very large part of what makes Quebec and Montreal “unique”.
In university I had a class-mate from France who said she actually admired and envied the people in Quebec because “You switch languages in the middle of a sentence!” She asked me the strangest question that I really didn’t know how to answer: “When you talk, what language are you thinking in? Because I can either think and speak in English or in French but not both.”
I’ve pondered that question from time to time and always come up with the same thought: I don’t “think” about what I’m saying… it just gets said.
If anybody has any thoughts on this, I’d be interested to hear (or see) them.
Meanwhile, here’s to the return to the “Old Quebec” where the languages can be tossed about like a luncheon salad and everybody will either understand each-other perfectly or at least get a great laugh at the expressions that don’t translate well.
(And as always… my undying gratitude to Felix for this site!)
Cheers all!