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10 excuses to not use a condom, in French (#783)

5 May 2014 by OffQc

The website À bien y penser is about having safer sex to reduce the risk of infections. The language used there is very good to know.

We first looked at some safer-sex French from that website here, in entry #778.

On one page of the website, called Les pires excuses pour ne pas utiliser le condom, we discover 10 terrible excuses used by certain horny people to avoid using a condom.

I’ve taken the 10 excuses and created a bilingual guide below to prepare you for what these people might say to you in French during your next weekend trip to Montréal.

I’ve altered the French only slightly in a couple spots: I’ve removed the ne in negative constructions, leaving only pas or rien, for a more conversational feel.

Les pires excuses pour ne pas utiliser le condom
The worst excuses for not using a condom

1. Si tu m’aimais, tu le ferais sans condom.
If you loved me, you’d do it without a condom.

2. Si j’avais quelque chose, je le saurais.
If I weren’t ok, I’d know.

3. Un condom, c’est pas confortable et je sens rien.
Condoms aren’t comfortable, and I can’t feel anything.

4. Tu me connais, c’est sûr que j’ai rien.
You know me, obviously I’m ok.

5. Je prends la pilule, pas besoin de condom.
I’m on the pill, no need for a condom.

6. Avec un condom, je perds mon érection.
When I use a condom, I lose my erection.

7. Je suis bien trop jeune pour avoir une infection*.
I’m way too young to have an infection.

8. Je suis allergique aux condoms.
I’m allergic to condoms.

9. Un condom, c’est fait pour les one night stand*.
Condoms are just for one-night stands.

10. Ça coupe le moment.
It ruins the moment.

_ _ _

*The original said une ITS instead of une infection. An ITS is an infection transmissible sexuellement, or sexually transmissible infection (STI).

*Even in the plural, it’s pronounced one night stand.

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Posted in Entries #751-800 | Tagged condom, erection, français québécois, illness, ITS, maladie, MTS, one-night stand, prendre la pilule, Québécois French, safer sex, sex, STD, STI | 2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. on 7 May 2014 at 12:18 joshandallo

    Je travaille dans le centre des sciences à Vancouver (Science World ou TELUS World of Science si on préfère) et l’été dernier, on a accueilli une expo temporaire qui était prêtée à nous du Centre des sciences de Montréal. C’était « Sexe : L’expo qui dit tout » (mais on l’a appelée “The Science of Sexuality featuring ‘Sex: A Tell-All Exposition'”) et je me souviens une section de l’expo qui a fourni des réponses pour les excuses écrites ci-dessus.

    Celles que je me souviens bien mais pas mot pour mot :

    1. Si tu m’aimais, tu le ferais sans condom.
    Réponse : Et si je te disais de sauter d’un pont, le ferais-tu?

    5. Je prends la pilule, pas besoin de condom.
    Réponse : Allô, la Terre! La pilule prévient seulement les grossesses, pas les ITS!

    6. Avec un condom, je perds mon érection.
    Réponse : Ne t’en fais pas, je peux t’aider.


    • on 9 May 2014 at 12:25 OffQc

      Good ones!



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