You pig. Only a peasant says “mourir.” The correct verb is “trépasser.”
OffQc supports you fully in your quest to learn French. But, hey, let’s be honest — learning French isn’t for everybody.
If you enjoy living a life free of complexes, French is most likely not for you.
French is probably the only language in the world where the vast majority of its speakers consider practically everything said in the language to be incorrect.
You thought you could use the basic verb mourir in France? How innocent of you.
No matter what word you choose to say in any language situation, there will always be a French person only too pleased to scold you:
You pig. Only a peasant says mourir. The correct verb is trépasser. One must demonstrate respect for the French people by speaking our language beautifully. One does not callously say mon chien est mort. One must say mon canidé domestique trépassa.
What, you thought things were better in Québec?
Oh, sure, the Québécois are proud to not be a bunch of square-head anglos, but this doesn’t stop them from sweeping up their language and pushing it under the rug. Remember the expression fucker le chien, the one that the Québécois sometimes use to describe having difficulty doing something?
If you use the expression fucker le chien in Québec, your interlocutor will smile and feel flattered that you used an expression from Québec. Ultimately, however, the linguistic complex written into the DNA of every single Québécois will kick in:
Where did you learn to say that? That’s so funny. Well, it’s true that the Québécois say fucker le chien, but it’s not correct. You should say posséder sexuellement, not fucker. The word chien isn’t really correct either, tsé. You should say canidé domestique. The correct way to say the expression isn’t fucker le chien, but posséder sexuellement le canidé domestique. That’s how they say it in France. You shouldn’t speak bad like us, tsé.
If you suffer from a complex when you speak French, congratulations! You probably speak French rather well.
If you’re still free of any complex when you speak French, you’re most likely new to the language. Welcome, friend.
If you’re somewhere in the middle in the sense that you’ve not yet developed a fully fledged complex but still acknowledge there may be truth to this — and you’re going to press on in French anyway — OffQc salutes you, brave soldier.
If you’re undecided about learning French and none of this sounds terribly appealing, do yourself a favour and learn Spanish instead.
If you learn Spanish or any other language, you will find there are crazinesses there too. All languages have nutty aspects to them because all people have a non-rational side to them.
As for correct French, I learned correct French in school and a lot of use it was. It was European French and failed to acknowledge that Quebec French even existed. It was an intellectual exercise like learning Latin. It insulted Quebec French and left me feeling totally incompetent as a language learner.
Quebec French reflects the difficult historical political situation between the French and English, and maybe between Quebec and France too. Somehow it is a sort of secret language which is not made easy for an outsider to pick up. But in a situation where the English are a hostile enemy, this is understandable. I hope this is historical but I’m not sure.
I am interested not only in the language but also in what Quebecers are like. Some of them have an interesting tendency to stand up for their rights in an organised way.
*snort* I read about this in “French French” when I read “Talk to the Snail” by Stephen Clarke. He mentioned that most French keep their grammar books (and probably a copy of “Le Petit Robert” because they find themselves arguing about fine points of grammar. In many ways, it sounds like Le Français Québécois isn’t much different.
Reblogged this on MON PÉRIPLE DANS LA CULTURE FRANÇAISE..
Well said, Felix! As much as I appreciate the grammatical aspect of languages (being very fond of linguistics and such), I want to learn to speak with the people. I want to connect and make genuine connections, and it’s only through colloquial speech that I can do that best.
Merci beaucoup d’avoir créé ce site! 🙂
Whoops, the last post was meant to be for your response to your satirical post. >.< In any case, I'm sure you'll figure it out. 🙂