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Posts Tagged ‘câlisse’

On Twitter, Guy A. Lepage commented on a case in which a mother was found guilty of offering her daughter to her spouse as a sex toy, un jouet sexuel.

Lepage called the woman a colice de conne on Twitter.

What does this mean?

Here’s what the tweet says:

Colice de conne ! Prison longtemps please Une mère offre sa fille comme jouet sexuel à son conjoint via

If you guessed that Guy A. Lepage is insulting the mother, you’d be right! Here’s how it might read if it had been written in English:

Fucking idiot! Long prison sentence, please. A mother offers her daughter as a sex toy to her spouse.

Calling a man un con or a woman une conne is an insult in French.

The masculine word con in French is vulgar. Its English equivalent is cunt. In fact, con (French), cunt (English) and coño (Spanish) are all etymologically related.

When con or conne is used to insult someone, it becomes an offensive way of calling someone an idiot.

Interestingly, we read this about the usage of con and conne in Québec on Wikipedia:

Con et conne existent aussi au Québec et sont fréquemment utilisés, mais n’ont été adoptés que dans la deuxième moitié du 20esiècle, sous l’influence des films français. Ce terme argotique nous était inconnu avant la deuxième guerre mondiale.

Con and conne also exist in Québec and are frequently used, but they weren’t adopted until the second half of the 20th century, influenced by French films. This slang term was not used in Québec before the Second World War.

On that Wikipedia page, con and conne were given as synonyms of épais and épaisse, which are frequently used in Québec in the sense of “idiot.”

What about colice?

We’ve seen this before on OffQc but more often spelled on the blog as câlice and câlisse. In colice de conne, the colice de part means “fucking.”

colice de conne, fucking idiot
colice de cave, fucking idiot
colice de marde, fucking shit
ma câlisse de job, my fucking job
une câlice de bonne idée, a fucking good idea
un câlisse de chien sale, a fucking dirty dog

Be sure to listen to Laurent Paquin’s Chant sacré, where you’ll hear all kinds of Québécois swear words in a very short song.

You can follow Guy A. Lepage on Twitter here.

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Mes jeans ne me font plus!

Ah shit, mes jeans ne me font plus

Maude Schiltz’s book Ah shit, j’ai pogné le cancer (tome 1) is such a treasure trove of French written in a down-to-earth, conversational style that I always have trouble deciding what we should look at next.

Today, I picked something from her book that I think a lot of us can relate to after winter — jeans that don’t quite fit like they did before winter. All those Timbits really add up, you know?

In Maude’s case though, her jeans don’t fit because of chemotherapy. The treatment has caused her to gain weight. Maude describes her experience:

J’ai eu une phase où je mangeais comme un ogre, mais depuis, mon appétit est revenu à ce qu’il était, et pourtant je continue à trouver mes jeans de plus en plus tight chaque fois que j’essaie de les mettre. D’ailleurs la plupart ne me font plus. Câlisse.

I went through a phase where I ate like a beast but, since then, my appetite has returned to normal — and yet I still find my jeans getting tighter and tighter every time I try to put them on. As a matter of fact, most of them don’t fit me anymore. Fuck.

The part in particular that made me choose this quote was where Maude says: la plupart [de mes jeans] ne me font plus. More than once I’ve noticed a French-language learner hesitate when wanting to talk about a piece of clothing that doesn’t fit.

Mes jeans ne me font plus.
My jeans don’t fit me anymore.

On the other hand, if an article of clothing te fait bien, it fits and looks good on you. Ça te fait bien ce chandail-là!

_ _ _

French quote written by Maude Schiltz in Ah shit, j’ai pogné le cancer (tome 1), Éditions de Mortagne, Boucherville (Québec), 2013, page 186.

You can follow Maude on Facebook through the link right above.

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If you like swear words + music with swear words, then you’ll love this short song by Laurent Paquin! It’s only 39 seconds long, but it’s full of sacres québécois (québécois swear words). Thanks to Jude for pointing me to it.

Chant sacré
Laurent Paquin (site officiel)

Ostie d’crisse de tabarnak
Ostie d’câlisse de viarge
(bis)

Ostie d’calvaire, ostie d’ciboire
Câlisse de tabarnak

Ostie d’crisse de tabarnak
Ostie d’câlisse de viarge
(bis)

Ostie d’câlisse de sacrament
Ciboire de saint Ostie

Ostie d’crisse de tabarnak
Ostie d’câlisse de viarge
(bis)

Ostie d’crisse de tabarnak
Ostie d’câlisse de viarge

_ _ _

Sacres québécois

sacres québécois

ostie = fuck
crisse = fuck
tabarnak = fuck
câlisse = fuck
viarge = fuck
calvaire = fuck
ciboire = fuck
sacrament = fuck
saint Ostie = Saint Fuck

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crucifixAt the Assemblée nationale du Québec, a crucifix hangs on the wall.

Le crucifix at the Assemblée nationale is a source of debate in Québec.

Some people would like to see this symbole religieux taken down and put into a museum instead.

Others disagree. They say that the crucifix at the Assemblée nationale is part of Québec’s heritage.

Last week, three women from the Femen movement disrupted a session at the Assemblée nationale. They protested against the presence of the crucifix.

The women chanted: Crucifix, décâlisse! (Crucifix, get the hell out!)

The slogan was also written across their bare chests:

Crucifix, décâlisse!

The verb décâlisser, which is a swear word, can be used to talk about getting the hell out of a place — or to tell someone else (and even a crucifix) to get the hell out.

Décâlisse!
Get the hell out!

Je décâlisse!
I’m getting the hell out!
I’m getting the fuck outta here!

The verb décâlisser derives from the word calice (without the accented â), the chalice used in Roman Catholicism.

Photo credits: (top) La Presse; (bottom) La Presse via L’Oreille tendue

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You can’t pass for a native without mastering the québécois verb niaiser!

You’ve seen this verb before in “Everything you ever wanted to know about the québécois verb niaiser.” Here are some new examples for review. Using the phonetic alphabet, niaiser is pronounced [njɛze], which sounds like nyèzé.

1. Je te niaise pas, je te parle sérieusement.

This is taken from an interview by Les Francs Tireurs. It means: “I’m not kidding you. I’m being serious.” We can tell that the person was speaking informally because, instead of je ne te niaise pas, he left out ne and said je te niaise pas.

In fact, what he most likely said was j’te niaise pas, which sounds like ch’te niaise pas. When je and te come together, they often contract and the j makes a ch sound.

The same goes for the je te combination je te parle sérieusement, which you may hear pronounced as j’te (ch’te) parle sérieusement.

2. Arrête de me niaiser là, c’est pas drôle!

This means: “Stop messing with me, it’s not funny!” It comes from a book called Fais-moi confiance by Andréanne Parenteau.

This example also includes the famous québécois , which you can explore in “Everything you ever wanted to know about the québécois use of .”

3. Niaise pas avec les gars en uniforme!

This example comes from a blog. It means “Don’t mess with guys in uniforms!” Remember, the letters rs in gars aren’t pronounced, so gars sounds like gâ.

This is also an example of dropping ne in an informal style because the author wrote niaise pas instead of ne niaise pas.

4. J’ai niaisé pendant deux mois.

This example comes from a comment left online. In full, the commenter wrote: J’ai niaisé pendant deux mois et demi avant de me trouver une job, “I did absolutely nothing for two and a half months before I found a job.” In this example, niaiser is used in the sense of goofing around, doing nothing.

During conversations, you’ll hear job in the feminine in Québec: une job.

5. Ils m’ont fait niaiser trois semaines pour rien! Câlisse.

This example comes from an online forum. It means: “They made me wait three weeks for nothing! Fuck.” Here, faire niaiser is used in the sense of making someone wait. This example also includes câlisse, which equates to saying “fuck” in Québec. You can also now review the expression je m’en câlisse.

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