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Posts Tagged ‘condom’

The website À bien y penser is about having safer sex to reduce the risk of infections. The language used there is very good to know.

We first looked at some safer-sex French from that website here, in entry #778.

On one page of the website, called Les pires excuses pour ne pas utiliser le condom, we discover 10 terrible excuses used by certain horny people to avoid using a condom.

I’ve taken the 10 excuses and created a bilingual guide below to prepare you for what these people might say to you in French during your next weekend trip to Montréal.

I’ve altered the French only slightly in a couple spots: I’ve removed the ne in negative constructions, leaving only pas or rien, for a more conversational feel.

Les pires excuses pour ne pas utiliser le condom
The worst excuses for not using a condom

1. Si tu m’aimais, tu le ferais sans condom.
If you loved me, you’d do it without a condom.

2. Si j’avais quelque chose, je le saurais.
If I weren’t ok, I’d know.

3. Un condom, c’est pas confortable et je sens rien.
Condoms aren’t comfortable, and I can’t feel anything.

4. Tu me connais, c’est sûr que j’ai rien.
You know me, obviously I’m ok.

5. Je prends la pilule, pas besoin de condom.
I’m on the pill, no need for a condom.

6. Avec un condom, je perds mon érection.
When I use a condom, I lose my erection.

7. Je suis bien trop jeune pour avoir une infection*.
I’m way too young to have an infection.

8. Je suis allergique aux condoms.
I’m allergic to condoms.

9. Un condom, c’est fait pour les one night stand*.
Condoms are just for one-night stands.

10. Ça coupe le moment.
It ruins the moment.

_ _ _

*The original said une ITS instead of une infection. An ITS is an infection transmissible sexuellement, or sexually transmissible infection (STI).

*Even in the plural, it’s pronounced one night stand.

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I was messaging back and forth with a reader of OffQc who was curious to know how to say “tic-tac-toe” (exes and ohs, noughts and crosses) in Québécois French. He wanted to know if the game is called morpion in Québec.

The game is called tic-tac-toe in Québec. On the other hand, you may hear the French call the game morpion instead.

But that word — morpion — is in fact used in Québec. But it means something else, something much more blood-suckingly sinister.

Crabs.

Not the seafood kind of crabs, but the in-your-crotch kind of crabs. The STD kind of crabs. Not gonna post a picture here, don’t worry.

That’s because crab lice are called morpions in French. Both the Québécois and the French call crab lice morpions.

Here’s a page from the Québec Ministry of Health about morpions, if you’re interested. It’s an easy read geared towards younger people, where you can pick up some vocab about the subject, like:

avoir des morpions
to have crabs

se débarrasser des morpions
to get rid of crabs

Ils s’agrippent aux poils du pubis.
They [les morpions] cling to hair on the pubis.

The website, called À bien y penser (When you think about it), is more generally about protecting yourself during sex. There’s a French and English version; you can refer to the English when you don’t understand the French. I’m not sure how long it will stay up in this current version, so check it out sooner than later if you want to learn more vocab in this area.

When you think about it... with a condom, there's no need to hold back. À bien y penser... avec un condom, pas besoin de te retenir.

When you think about it… with a condom, there’s no need to hold back. À bien y penser… avec un condom, pas besoin de te retenir.

Other things you can read on the site include:

Un condom pour sucer?
Allô! J’ai une question : est-ce que je dois demander à mon chum de mettre un condom avant de lui faire une pipe? Je ne voudrais pas avoir une ITS. Est-ce qu’on peut attraper une ITS par la bouche?

A condom for oral sex?
Hi! I have a question: should I ask my boyfriend to put on a condom before I give him a blow job? I wouldn’t like to get an STI. Can you catch an STI through the mouth?

mettre un condom
to put on a condom
(condom is pronounced condon)

faire une pipe à mon chum
to give my boyfriend a blow job

une ITS (infection transmissible sexuellement)
an STI (sexually transmissible infection)

Condom avec mon ex?
Je viens de reprendre avec ma blonde. On s’est laissés pendant quelques mois, mais avant, on a été ensemble un an. On ne mettait pas de condom parce qu’elle prenait la pilule et qu’on était fidèles. Certaines personnes m’ont dit qu’elle avait été avec d’autres gars depuis qu’on s’est laissés. En fin de semaine, on est supposés de se voir et je me demandais si j’étais mieux de mettre un condom. Merci à l’avance pour votre réponse.

A condom with my ex?
I’ve just got back together with my girlfriend again. We didn’t go out together for a few months, but before that, we were together for a year. We didn’t use a condom because she was taking the pill and we were faithful to each other. Some people have told me that she’s been with other guys since we broke up. We’re supposed to see each other on the weekend and I was wondering if I should use a condom. Thank you in advance for your answer.

je viens de reprendre avec ma blonde
I’ve just got back together with my girlfriend

on ne mettait pas de condom
we didn’t use condoms before

elle prenait la pilule
she was taking the pill

elle a été avec d’autres gars
she was with other guys [for sex]

est-ce que je suis mieux de mettre un condom?
should I use a condom?

P.S. Just kidding about not posting an image of the crab louse. 🙂

un morpion

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In the Parent family, there are three sons. The youngest one is Zak, the middle one is Oli, and the oldest one is Thomas.

In this text message exchange, Oli steals Zak’s phone and sends messages to his mother, pretending to be Zak.

Can you guess what kind of messages an older brother would send to his mother while pretending to be his little brother?

M’man, j’ai commencé à fumer.
Maman, I’ve started smoking.

OK.
OK.

Mais juste quand je bois beaucoup d’alcool.
But just when I drink lots of alcohol.

Si ça te rend heureux 🙂
If that’s what makes you happy 🙂

Mais ça coûte cher pis il me reste pu de $ pour acheter des condoms.
But it’s expensive and I don’t have any money left to buy condoms.

As-tu pensé à voler Oli? C’est mon moins favori. Surtout qd il niaise avec le cell de Zak.
Why don’t you steal it from Oli? He’s my least favourite (son). Especially when he fools around with Zak’s cell.

Comment t’as su?
How did you know?

Il est devant moi. Et il txt ta blonde avec ton cell en ton nom.
He (Zak) is right in front of me. And he’s txting your girlfriend with your cell using your name.

pis, and (sounds like pi)
pu = plus
il me reste pu $ = il [ne] me reste p[l]u[s] d’argent
acheter des condoms, to buy condoms
voler Oli, to rob Oli, to steal from Oli
qd = quand
niaiser avec, to mess around with
le cell d’Oli, Oli’s cell phone
t’as = tu as
su = from the verb savoir
il txt = il texte
texter ta blonde, to text your girlfriend

Les Parent Facebook page
Les Parent is also on tou.tv

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On trouve de tout... même un ami

Jean Coutu is a pharmacy in Québec whose slogan is:

On trouve de tout… même un ami!

And it’s true. You really will find a friend at Jean Coutu.

They’re called condoms.

1. condom

condom

In Québec, the standard word for condom is un condom (sounds like condon). The French word un préservatif is understood, but its use is limited.

The expression “to use a condom” is utiliser un condom.

There’s also an informal word for condom, like “rubber” in English: une capote. In Montréal, you may have even noticed a sex shop downtown called La Capoterie.

2. pâte à dents

pate à dents

In addition to le dentifrice and la pâte dentifrice, toothpaste is also known as la pâte à dents in Québec, which is similar in form to la brosse à dents, or toothbrush.

On tubes of toothpaste, you’ll see the term dentifrice, not pâte à dents.

3. soie dentaire

soie dentaire

In Québec, dental floss is called la soie dentaire. In France, it’s called le fil dentaire. Soie dentaire is the standard term in Québec, used on packaging and in conversation (if you like to talk about dental floss!).

4. bas

bas

A sock is called un bas in Québec, which sounds like bâ. For example, un bas de laine is a wool sock.

5. chaise roulante

chaise roulante

In addition to un fauteuil roulant, understood by French speakers everywhere, you’ll also hear a wheelchair called une chaise roulante in Québec.

6. sac à vidanges

sac à ordures

The package says sacs à ordures, meaning “garbage bags.” In addition to this term, you’ll also hear un sac à vidanges at a more informal level of language. The word vidanges is often used in Québec in the sense of garbage. Un vidangeur is garbageman.

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