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Posts Tagged ‘crisser’

1. “He’s got bugs in the head.”

Someone with “bugs in the head” is someone who’s messed up in the mind. The expression here is avoir des bibittes dans la tête, which means to be messed up in the head, but translates literally as to have bugs in one’s head. Our too-literally-translated-into-English example he’s got bugs in his head is said in French as y’a des bibittes dans’ tête, where y’a and dans’ are colloquial contractions: y’a comes from il a, and dans’ comes from dans la.

Y’a des bibittes dans’ tête.
He’s messed up in the head.
Much too literally: “He’s got bugs in the head.”

2. “He’s in a real tabernacle.”

If you’re in a tabernacle — or better, in a real tabernacle — you’re royally pissed off. If we translate our too-literally-translated-into-English example back into French, we get y’est en beau tabarnak. Y’est en sounds like yé t’en, which is a contraction of il est en. The expression here is être en tabarnak, with its variation être en beau tabarnak, both of which mean to be pissed off.

Joking aside, make sure you learn the difference between tabernacle and tabarnak. Tabernacle (with an e in the middle and le on the end) means tabernacle, an item associated with Catholicism. Tabarnak (with an a in the middle and k [or c] on the end) is a swear word deriving from tabernacle. The Québécois never say tabernacle to swear (the swear words are tabarnak or tabarnac) and never refer to the tabernacle as a tabarnak!

So, although, the English above reads much too literally as he’s in a real tabernacle, the Québécois aren’t really saying the equivalent of tabernacle when they use this expression, but a vulgar variant of it.

Y’est en beau tabarnak.
He’s totally pissed off.
Much too literally: “He’s in a real tabernacle.”

3. “He put the music in the rug.”

If the music is on so loud that the floor practically shakes, you can say the music is “in the rug.” Mettre la musique dans le tapis means to put the music on full blast. If we translate our too-literally-translated-into-English example back into French, we get y’a mis la musique dans l’tapis. There’s y’a again, which we saw in number 1; it’s a colloquial contraction of il a.

Y’a mis la musique dans l’tapis.
He put the music on full blast.
Much too literally: “He put the music in the rug.”

4. “Your dog is dead.”

If you no longer stand a chance at something, your dog’s snuffed it. That girl you wanted to go out with but who’s going out with someone new now (and it isn’t you)? Yeah, your dog’s dead. You can forget about it. If we translate our too-literally-translated-into-English example back into French, we get ton chien est mort. You can also say, depending on the context, mon chien est mort, son chien est mort, etc.

Ton chien est mort.
You can forget about it. You’ve lost your chance.
Much too literally: “Your dog is dead.”

5. “He’s gonna get himself christed out.”

If you’ve just been christed out at work, you just got your ass fired. Crisser quelqu’un dehors, you’ll remember, means to kick someone the hell out, to fire someone’s ass, etc. We looked at the expression crisser dehors here recently. The verb crisser in this sense derives from Christ, so this verb is a swear word. If we translate our too-literally-translated-into-English example back into French, we get y va se faire crisser dehors, which means he’s gonna get his ass fired, he’s gonna get the fucking sack, etc. Y here is a colloquial pronunciation of il, which contracts to i’ in spoken language.

Y va se faire crisser dehors.
He’s gonna get his ass fired.
Much too literally: “He’s gonna get himself christed out.”

Bonus: “Dechrist!”

This is our much-too-literal way of saying décrisse!, meaning fuck off! We looked at the verb décrisser in the same post linked to above in number 5.

Décrisse!
Fuck off! Piss off!
Much too literally: “Dechrist!”

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Buildings reflected in a wall of glass in Montréal

Lindsey asks about the Québécois expression crisser dehors, which came up in the last post.

You’ll remember that this expression (considered to be swearing in French) can be translated in English as something like to throw (someone) the fuck out, to fucking get rid of (someone), etc.

In the expression crisser dehors, it’s the verb crisser that’s a swear word because it derives from the name Christ.

Lindsey asks if you can use this expression in command form to tell someone to fuck off. No, you can’t. Here’s how you can use it (and then we’ll look at how fuck off might be rendered in French):

On m’a crissé dehors.
They threw me the fuck out,
They fucking kicked me out,
They fucking fired me, etc.

M’as te crisser dehors.
I’m gonna throw you the fuck out,
I’m gonna fucking kick you out, etc.

We looked at the meaning of m’as in this recent post.

Je l’ai crissé dehors.
I threw him the fuck out,
I fucking kicked him out,
I fucking sacked him, etc.

J’viens d’me faire crisser dehors.
I just got fucking fired,
They just fucking fired me,
I just got the fucking sack,
They just got the fuck rid of me, etc.

Je viens de me faire crisser dehors.
= On vient de me crisser dehors.

In all these examples, it’s important to note that crisser dehors doesn’t simply mean to throw (someone) out, to kick (someone) out. Remember, crisser is swearing, so it equates to something much stronger in English, like to throw (someone) the fuck out, to give (someone) the fucking sack, etc.

To get back to Lindsey’s question, you can’t say crisse dehors! to someone in the sense of fuck off!

Instead, you can use the verb décrisser, which has crisser as its root:

Décrisse!
Fuck off! Piss off!
Get the fuck away from me!
Take a fucking hike!

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In a recent article in the Journal de Montréal, a journalist provided examples of swearing committed by politicians.

I’ve listed the examples below, with a translation into English. Be prepared for foul language.

1. Va chier
Fuck off; literally, it means go shit
— Christine St-Pierre

2. Vieille plotte
Old cunt
— Thomas Mulcair

3. Tas de merde
The insult was said in English as piece of shit; the French here is the newspaper’s translation of that, but a more authentic wording would be tas de marde
— Justin Trudeau

4. Grosse crisse
Fat fuck; had this been said to a man, it would’ve been gros crisse
— Norman MacMillan

5. Fuck off
Not too hard to figure out…
— Pierre Elliott Trudeau

6. Crisser dehors
This expression means to throw someone the fuck out, to fucking get rid of someone
— Christine Moore

7. Crosseurs
A crosseur is someone who screws other people over
— Thomas Mulcair

8. Crisse de folle
Crazy bitch; more literally, it means fucking madwoman
— Danielle St-Amand

9. Maudite chienne
Damn bitch
— Jean Charest

Reference

“Vos députés se chicanent, s’insultent et s’excusent” by Sarah-Maude Lefebvre in Journal de Montréal, 20 March 2016, pp. 22-23. Online here

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On Urbania, Donavan Lauzon lists his top 10 signs you’ve failed Valentine’s Day.

Number 9?

Tu t’es fait domper au mois de février.

You got dumped in the month of February.

Domper is an informal usage. It comes from the English dump.

But se faire domper isn’t the only way he says to get dumped in his post. He also uses the swear word crisser in the expression se faire crisser là.

[…] tu te fais crisser là, la semaine ou la journée même de la St-Valentin.

Maybe that expression will remind you of Lisa LeBlanc’s song Câlisse-moi là. Câlisser is a swear word. Câlisse-moi là is a rude way of saying dump me. If you follow that link, you’ll find another example of this: Maude Schiltz in Ah shit, j’ai pogné le cancer says she’s dumping a health professional at the hospital where she’s receiving treatment because she’s lost all faith in him. She says:

C’est fini, je le câlisse là.

Crisser and câlisser are often used when talking about getting rid of things (and people!). Crisser quelqu’un dehors and câlisser quelqu’un dehors both mean to kick someone the hell/fuck out. But when the sense is one of dumping or ditching someone, instead of dehors it’s là.

Tu te fais crisser là.
Je le câlisse là.
Câlisse-moi là, etc.

The author goes on to explain that getting dumped on or around Valentine’s Day is bad timing:

Être en break-up à cette période de l’année, c’est comme pogner une érection en public : vraiment pas un timing optimal.

Being broken up this time of the year [around Valentine’s Day] is like getting an erection in public: really not the best timing.

Broadly speaking, pogner means to catch. So pogner une érection means to “catch” an erection, in other words, to get an erection.

se faire domper
se faire crisser là
crisser quelqu’un dehors
pogner une érection

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Donavan Lauzon, Le Registre : les 10 signes que tu échoues ta St-Valentin, Urbania, 12 February 2015.

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Portraits de Montréal published an interesting story on Facebook about a man who grew up in a family of farmers.

The man tells us that he loved the farm while growing up, and that he wanted to become a farmer himself. But he also tells us that his father saw things very differently.

His father sold the farm because he was only in it for the money and couldn’t understand why his son would care. He used drugs and beat his son.

You can read the text here.

It contains vocabulary that I thought you’d like to learn — vocabulary related to being a farmer and problems with the man’s father.

1. Être fermier, c’est l’fun au bout.
Being a farmer is so much fun.

Bout here would’ve been pronounced as boutte when the speaker said it. The expression au boutte means “totally.”

2. Il est de même.
He’s like that.
That’s the way he is.

De même here means comme ça.

3. Lui, il était là-dedans pour l’argent.
He was in it for the money.

4. Moi, je m’en crissais de l’argent.
I didn’t give a damn about the money.

Je m’en crisse means “I don’t give a damn.”

5. Elle est donc ben propre la grange!
The barn is just so clean!

Donc is pronounced don here. The original text on Facebook contains a spelling error: donc was spelled incorrectly as dont.

6. Câlisse ton camp.
Get the hell out of there.

Camp sounds like quand. Don’t pronounce the p.

7. La vache était loose dans son enclos.
The cow was loose in its pen, enclosure.

The spelling lousse is also used.

8. Je mangeais une volée.
I used to take a beating.
I used to get beaten up.

The expression is manger une volée.

9. Mon père était fucké.
My father was fucked up.

10. Il sniffait.
He used to sniff, snort drugs.

11. de la coke
coke (cocaine)

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Je tripe fort sur les orignaux de jardin!

Je tripe fort sur les orignaux de jardin!

Review time!

Here are 51 example sentences to file away in the folder marked Québécois French in your head. Note: Some of these sentences are for a mature audience only and blah blah blah, this is OffQc.

Credit where credit is due — a very large number of these example sentences are heavily inspired by Maude Schiltz and the colloquial language found in her book Ah shit, j’ai pogné le cancer (tome 1).

I’ve included notes where I thought it would be helpful.

All of these example sentences feel like the sort of things you could say in everyday language situations with people you know well. These are not examples of formal language.

There’s an exception though, and that’s number 33. This example sentence isn’t strictly informal.

Are you getting excited? I am! We’re only a few posts away from #800, which means post #1000 will soon be poking its head on the horizon!

1. Je tripe fort sur les orignaux de jardin!
I’m totally crazy about garden moose!

Or should that be “garden meese”?
The singular of orignaux is orignal.

2. Y a été assez poche avec moi.
He was pretty bad to me.

Y a is an informal way of saying il a.
Y a sounds like yâ.

3. Là, ça va faire!
OK, that’s enough!
Right, enough is enough!

means “now,” but “now” doesn’t sound right in the translation here.

4. J’ai pris mes cliques pis mes claques.
I grabbed all my stuff.

Pis is pronounced pi.
Pis means “and” here.
You can use this expression when getting all your stuff together to move out quickly or when you’re being kicked out, for example.

5. J’ai sacré mon camp.
I got the hell outta there.

Camp is pronounced like quand.

6. Je commence à badtriper là-dessus.
I’m starting to freak out about it.

Badtriper is pronounced bade-tripé.
Use badtriper to talk about freaking out in a bad way (stress, worry, etc.).

7. C’t’une joke, capote pas!
I’m just kidding, calm down!

C’t’une is an informal pronunciation of c’est une.
C’t’une sounds like stune.
Use capoter to talk about losing one’s calm.

8. Je tripe là-dessus solide.
I’m totally crazy about it.

9. Chu down depuis hier.
I feel down since yesterday.

Chu is an informal pronunciation of je suis.
Down
is pronounced like its English equivalent.

10. Y mérite que je le câlisse là.
He deserves for me to fuckin’ dump him.

Y is an informal pronunciation of il.

11. Chu sorti avec ma gang de bureau.
I went out with my group from the office.

Chu is an informal pronunciation of je suis.
Gang
sounds like its English equivalent.

12. C’est ben correct si t’aimes pas ça.
It’s perfectly fine if you don’t like it.

Correct is pronounced informally as correc.

13. On s’est quitté sur une note poche.
We left each other on a bad note.

14. J’ai pogné mon chum à cruiser des filles.
I caught my boyfriend going after girls.

Cruiser is pronounced crouzé.

15. Ça, c’est le boutte le fun!
That’s the fun part!

Boutte is an informal pronunciation of bout.

16. Je file tout croche.
I feel bad. I don’t feel well.

17. J’ai pété une sale coche.
I lost my temper big time.

Péter is pronounced pèté.

18. J’ai tripé en crisse.
I had a hell of a great time.

19. Je trouve que c’est de la bullshit.
I think that’s bullshit.

Bullshit is pronounced boulechitte.

20. Y pogne avec les filles.
He’s lucky with girls. Girls find him hot.

Y is an informal pronunciation of il.

21. Le timing a pas été bon.
The timing wasn’t good.

22. J’ai de la misère à le croire.
I’m having a hard time believing him.

23. J’ai fait freaker tout le monde.
I freaked everybody out.

Freaker is pronounced friquer.

24. J’ai pogné un down.
I’m feeling really down.

Down is pronounced like its English equivalent.

25. T’es vraiment magané ce matin.
You’re in really rough shape this morning.

T’es is an informal contraction of tu es.
T’es
sounds like té.

26. J’ai la chienne de me faire mal.
I’m terrified of getting hurt.

27. Y est carrément épeurant, ce gars-là.
He’s downright scary, that guy.

Y est is an informal pronunciation of il est.
Y est sounds like yé.
Carrément is pronounced cârrément.
Gars is pronounced gâ.

28. T’es cheap en maudit, toi!
You’re so damn cheap!

T’es is an informal contraction of tu es.
T’es
sounds like té.
Cheap here is used in the sense of not liking to spend money.

29. Tu te fais bullshitter solide.
You’re getting played solid, lied to big time.
He (she, they, etc.) is totally bullshitting you.

Bullshitter is pronounced boulechitté.

30. Je file cheap en maudit.
I feel so damn bad.

Cheap sounds like its English equivalent.
Cheap here is used in the sense of feeling like a low-life.

31. C’est pour le fun!
It’s just for fun!

32. Chu raqué et j’ai mal à la gorge.
I’m sore all over and I have a sore throat.

Chu is an informal pronunciation je suis.

33. Le brigadier scolaire a fait traverser des écoliers.
The crossing guard helped some schoolchildren to cross.

34. Le français québécois, c’est tripant!
Québécois French is such a blast!

35. On m’a booké un rendez-vous.
They booked me an appointment.

Booker is pronounced bouké.

36. Y a pogné le creux de la vague.
He’s down in the dumps.

Y a is an informal pronunciation of il a.
Y a sounds like yâ.

37. Arrête de m’écoeurer avec ça.
Stop nagging me about that.
Stop driving me nuts about that.

38. La semaine s’annonce rough.
Looks like a rough week ahead.

Rough is pronounced roffe.

39. T’es full pas de classe, toi.
You’re so unclassy.

T’es is an informal contraction of tu es.
T’es
sounds like té.
Full sounds like foule.

40. Je file pas ben pantoute.
I don’t feel good at all.

41. Shit, tu viens de passer sur la rouge!
Shit, you just went through a red (light)!

Sur la is often pronounced informally as s’a.

42. Peux-tu checker ça avec ton patron?
Can you check that with your boss?

Checker sounds like the English word “check” followed by é.

43. Es-tu game de faire ça demain?
Are you up for doing it tomorrow?

Game sounds like its English equivalent.

44. T’es aussi ben de l’appeler aujourd’hui.
You better call him today.

T’es is an informal contraction of tu es.
T’es
sounds like té.

45. Crisse-moi patience!
Leave me the hell alone!

46. Ces produits sont pleins de chnoute.
These products are full of crap.

47. Le médecin m’a gelé ben comme faut.
The doctor drugged me up good.

Ben comme faut is an informal way of saying bien comme il faut.

48. Chu vraiment tanné d’entendre ça.
I’m really sick of hearing that.

Chu is an informal pronunciation je suis.

49. Des livres, j’en ai un char pis une barge.
I’ve got heaps and heaps of books.

Pis is pronounced pi.
Pis means “and” here.

50. C’est un crisse de gros cave.
He’s a huge goddamn idiot.

Don’t mistakenly pronounce cave like an English word.
Cave is a French word and rhymes with bave.

51. On l’a pogné à se crosser sur la job.
They caught him jerking off on the job.

Sur la is often pronounced informally as s’a.

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Adviser: Mr Harper, I think you may be showing too much neck, even for Québec. Harper: Oh je m’en crisse. C’est la fin de semaine. Donne-moi ce café.

You’re becoming experts at saying that you don’t give a shit (or a fuck either) in French, and it’s all OffQc’s fault. But, if Mr Harper knows how to say it, then you probably should too.

In entry #635, you discovered how to say “I don’t give a fuck” or “I don’t give a damn” using the verb s’en câlisser:

1. Je m’en câlisse.

Then, in entry #641, you discovered the verb s’en sacrer:

2. Je m’en sacre.

And now here’s a third way, inspired by this Urbania article:

3. Je m’en crisse.

This third way uses the verb s’en crisser.

You now know three québécois verbs to express not giving a shit about something:

s’en câlisser
s’en sacrer
s’en crisser

Here are a few examples using this new verb, s’en crisser.

On s’en crisse!
Nobody gives a shit!

Je m’en crisse que tu t’en crisses.
I don’t give a damn that you don’t give a damn.

Je m’en crisse royalement!
I don’t give a flying fuck!

J’ai coulé mon examen, mais dans le fond, je m’en crisse.
I flunked my exam, but really, I don’t give a shit.

Image: Emperor Haute Couture (Margaret Sutherland)

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