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Posts Tagged ‘hot en criss’

In a recent blog post in the form of an open letter, Rabii Rammal writes about a trip to the épicerie (grocery store) to buy Kinder Surprise — for himself.

But he’s embarrassed about having to pay for the Kinder Surprise at the cash (he’s a fully grown man, after all).

So he picks up another item at the store to divert attention from his Kinder Surprise. He picks up des échalotes (shallots).

He chose this item to divert attention from his Kinder Surprise because: des échalotes, ça fait « je sais où j’m’en vais dans la vie ». Ça fait « j’ai des REER ». (Shallots say, “I know where I’m going in life. They say, “I’ve got RRSPs.”)

After he pays, he goes back to his car and throws the shallots on the back seat: il garroche les échalotes sur la banquette arrière. Then he begins savagely opening his Kinder Surprise.

Rabii is dismayed when he discovers that his beloved Kinder Surprise have been modified, such that there are now Kinder Surprise for boys (blue) and Kinder Surprise for girls (pink).

He says: Oh ben tabarnak. Oui. Y’ont fait ça : ils ont sexué les Kinder Surprise. (Oh well fuck. Yes. They’ve done it. They’ve genderised Kinder Surprise.)

He says that when you’re a kid, it doesn’t matter whether Kinder Surprise is for boys or for girls, parce que quand t’es kid, peu importe ton sexe, c’est toujours hot en criss une toupie (because when you’re a kid, no matter what sex you are, it’s always fuckin’ amazing to get a spinning top).

You can read Rabii’s entire letter, called Cher génie du marketing qui a mis des pénis et des vagins sur les Kinder Surprise. (Dear marketing genius who put penises and vaginas on Kinder Surprise.) You’ll learn lots of everyday Québécois French by reading Rabii Rammal.

_ _ _

une épicerie, a grocery store
une échalote, a shallot
je sais où je m’en vais, I know where I’m going
un REER (pronounced ré-èr), an RRSP
garrocher, to throw
la banquette arrière, the back seat
oh ben tabarnak, oh well fuck
quand t’es kid, when you’re a kid
c’est hot en criss, it’s fuckin’ amazing
une toupie, a (spinning) top

_ _ _

French text by: Rabii Rammal, «Cher génie du marketing qui a mis des pénis et des vagins sur les Kinder Surprise», Urbania, Montréal, 6 February 2014.

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