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Fuck you l'été [Jordan Dupuis]

Fuck you l’été [Jordan Dupuis]

In an Urbania article called Le monde selon J : Fuck you l’été published at the end of March, Jordan Dupuis describes his displeasure over the fact that winter was ending and that hot weather was on its way. He writes:

Bref, 99,9% des gens sont à boutte de l’hiver… mais pas moi.
In short, 99.9% of people are sick of winter… but not me.

être à boutte de l’hiver
to be sick of winter
to have had it with winter

As usual, this Urbania article is full of colloquial language similar to what you’ll hear in real conversations. If you haven’t checked Urbania out yet, I encourage you to do so.

Unlike the author himself, Jordan says that people can’t take the snow anymore:

Les gens sont officiellement pu’ capables d’endurer la neige […].
People are officially no longer able to stand the snow.

endurer quelque chose
to be able to stand something

les gens sont pu’ capables
people are no longer able

Maybe you’ll remember pu capab from yesterday’s entry devoted to the word marde as used in Québec.

Jordan explains the reasons he hates summer. One of them is that his summer clothes no longer fit after gaining weight throughout the winter. As he looks at his summer shirts spread out on his bed, he realises he should forget about wearing them and donate them instead. He says that he should sacrer ses chemises d’été dans un beau grand sac à vidanges, or “throw his summer shirts the hell out into a huge garbage bag.”

One of the other reasons he hates summer so much is that some people (but not him) seem to be devoid of sweat glands. He curses these “chosen ones” for not sweating a drop in their cream-coloured linen shirts:

Ces êtres élus et gâtés par la vie, même à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune, ne transpirent pas une goutte de sueur dans leur chemise en lin couleur crème.

38 degrés
Americans, remember: 38 degrees is hot! Québec uses Celsius.

Le facteur humidex is the humidex factor. In Québec, we LOVE to talk about the humidex factor. The humidex factor is what the temperature feels like because of humidity. So, the actual temperature might be 38, but the humidex factor might make it feel more like 45.

But, oh my, what does faire friser le poil de la noune mean?

Do you remember the word plotte from a previous entry? It’s a vulgar word that refers to the female sex organ. Une noune is the same thing. Le poil de la noune, well, that’s the pubic hair surrounding it. Faire friser (quelque chose) means to make it curl.

à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune

In other words, he curses those chosen ones who don’t sweat a drop even when the temperature is hot enough to make pubic hair curl.

I’ll let you discover the rest of his text on your own!

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French quotes by Jordan Dupuis, «Le monde selon J : Fuck you l’été», Urbania, Montréal, 31 March 2014.

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I went digging around the online version of Urbania for some expressions that you might like to learn. I’ve picked 7 and included some notes below.

1. On n’a pas besoin de gars pour se faire du fun!

= We don’t need guys to have ourselves some fun!

The author of this quote joked that girls who are secretly sad about being single say this to each other during girls’ night out on Valentine’s Day.

Gars is pronounced gâ. The final rs is not pronounced in gars. If you pronounce the rs, you’ll end up saying garce, which means “bitch” in French.

Other examples using le fun: j’ai eu du fun (I had fun), c’est le fun (it’s fun), une journée le fun (a fun day).

2. Avec le recul, j’ai honte en taaaaaa…

= Looking back, I’m embarrassed as hellllll…

The author of this sentence was talking about the embarrassment he felt when thinking back to something silly he had posted on Facebook.

The expression en ta is a shortened version of en tabarnak.

Another example: ça va mal en ta (things are damn awful).

3. à chaque fois qu’on voit une pitoune dans une pub de char

= every time there’s some hot chick in a car ad

Even though une pitoune is a very attractive girl, this word won’t be taken as a compliment by females. It’s similar to referring to a female as “a (hot) chick.”

The word pub is short for publicité. It can refer to ads on television or in print.

Words you’ll come across for “car” in Québec include: une auto, un char, une voiture.

Rather than just chaque fois (every time), you’ll hear people say à chaque fois very frequently.

4. Tu te flattes la bedaine.

= You pat your belly.

If you’ve got a belly, tu as de la bedaine. If it’s a really big one, tu as une grosse bedaine!

If someone’s got no shirt on, you can use the expression être en bedaine to describe what he’s wearing (nothing but his belly!).

Flatter means to pat, stroke.

5. Té crissment épuisée.

= Yer goddamn exhausted.

In entry #727 about two vulgar words for penis and vagina in Québécois French, you read an example of the verb s’en crisser (to not give a fuck, to not give a shit, etc.), which was je m’en crisse. In today’s example, we discover the related word crissment (or crissement).

is an informal reduction of tu es. This informal pronunciation is probably more often spelled t’es, but here we discover té, which means the same thing.

Épuisée is the feminine form of this adjective.

6. quelqu’un qui fourre le système

= someone who screws the system, who fucks the system

The author of this expression was putting forth his opinion about the difference between people who receive welfare out of a genuine need and those who milk the system for all it’s worth:

[…] il y a une GROSSE différence entre quelqu’un qui a besoin d’aide et quelqu’un qui fourre le système.

There’s a HUGE difference between someone in need and someone who fucks the system.

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Références

1-2. Jordan Dupuis, « Le monde selon J : La Saint-Valentin sur Facebook », Urbania, 17 février 2014.

3. Pascal Henrard, « Y a-t-il trop de féministes dans Urbania? », Urbania, 12 février 2014.

4-5. Véronique Grenier, « Amour », Urbania, 12 février 2014.

6. Jonathan Roberge, « Enlève ta banane de sur ma face », Urbania, 7 février 2014.

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