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Posts Tagged ‘plotte’

In a recent article in the Journal de Montréal, a journalist provided examples of swearing committed by politicians.

I’ve listed the examples below, with a translation into English. Be prepared for foul language.

1. Va chier
Fuck off; literally, it means go shit
— Christine St-Pierre

2. Vieille plotte
Old cunt
— Thomas Mulcair

3. Tas de merde
The insult was said in English as piece of shit; the French here is the newspaper’s translation of that, but a more authentic wording would be tas de marde
— Justin Trudeau

4. Grosse crisse
Fat fuck; had this been said to a man, it would’ve been gros crisse
— Norman MacMillan

5. Fuck off
Not too hard to figure out…
— Pierre Elliott Trudeau

6. Crisser dehors
This expression means to throw someone the fuck out, to fucking get rid of someone
— Christine Moore

7. Crosseurs
A crosseur is someone who screws other people over
— Thomas Mulcair

8. Crisse de folle
Crazy bitch; more literally, it means fucking madwoman
— Danielle St-Amand

9. Maudite chienne
Damn bitch
— Jean Charest

Reference

“Vos députés se chicanent, s’insultent et s’excusent” by Sarah-Maude Lefebvre in Journal de Montréal, 20 March 2016, pp. 22-23. Online here

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Fuck you l'été [Jordan Dupuis]

Fuck you l’été [Jordan Dupuis]

In an Urbania article called Le monde selon J : Fuck you l’été published at the end of March, Jordan Dupuis describes his displeasure over the fact that winter was ending and that hot weather was on its way. He writes:

Bref, 99,9% des gens sont à boutte de l’hiver… mais pas moi.
In short, 99.9% of people are sick of winter… but not me.

être à boutte de l’hiver
to be sick of winter
to have had it with winter

As usual, this Urbania article is full of colloquial language similar to what you’ll hear in real conversations. If you haven’t checked Urbania out yet, I encourage you to do so.

Unlike the author himself, Jordan says that people can’t take the snow anymore:

Les gens sont officiellement pu’ capables d’endurer la neige […].
People are officially no longer able to stand the snow.

endurer quelque chose
to be able to stand something

les gens sont pu’ capables
people are no longer able

Maybe you’ll remember pu capab from yesterday’s entry devoted to the word marde as used in Québec.

Jordan explains the reasons he hates summer. One of them is that his summer clothes no longer fit after gaining weight throughout the winter. As he looks at his summer shirts spread out on his bed, he realises he should forget about wearing them and donate them instead. He says that he should sacrer ses chemises d’été dans un beau grand sac à vidanges, or “throw his summer shirts the hell out into a huge garbage bag.”

One of the other reasons he hates summer so much is that some people (but not him) seem to be devoid of sweat glands. He curses these “chosen ones” for not sweating a drop in their cream-coloured linen shirts:

Ces êtres élus et gâtés par la vie, même à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune, ne transpirent pas une goutte de sueur dans leur chemise en lin couleur crème.

38 degrés
Americans, remember: 38 degrees is hot! Québec uses Celsius.

Le facteur humidex is the humidex factor. In Québec, we LOVE to talk about the humidex factor. The humidex factor is what the temperature feels like because of humidity. So, the actual temperature might be 38, but the humidex factor might make it feel more like 45.

But, oh my, what does faire friser le poil de la noune mean?

Do you remember the word plotte from a previous entry? It’s a vulgar word that refers to the female sex organ. Une noune is the same thing. Le poil de la noune, well, that’s the pubic hair surrounding it. Faire friser (quelque chose) means to make it curl.

à 38 degrés et avec un facteur humidex à te faire friser le poil de la noune

In other words, he curses those chosen ones who don’t sweat a drop even when the temperature is hot enough to make pubic hair curl.

I’ll let you discover the rest of his text on your own!

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French quotes by Jordan Dupuis, «Le monde selon J : Fuck you l’été», Urbania, Montréal, 31 March 2014.

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Lui: Hahaha! T’es devenue tellement intéressante! Je m’en crisse de ta plotte poilue. Elle: Hihihi, moi aussi je t’aime.

So, at the risk of increasing the number of visitors arriving here from Google looking for porn (there isn’t any, you perverts), let’s look at two vulgar words used to refer to the vagina and penis in Québécois French:

  • la plotte (a vulgar word for le vagin)
  • la graine (a vulgar word for le pénis)

In a comical letter written by Rabii Rammal, we discover an irreverent example of the word plotte in use.

In his letter, Rammal advances that it’s possible to say essentially anything to anybody without causing offence, provided that it’s said with finesse:

Je suis de ceux qui croient qu’on peut tout dire, mais qu’il y a une manière de le faire.

I’m one of those people who believes it’s possible to say anything, but there’s a (right) way to do it.

He discovered this, he explains, the day he witnessed a drunken friend criticise his female frequentation of the moment in a decidedly unclassy way.

What did the friend say to her?

« T’as beau être mannequin, mais t’es tellement superficielle. J’m’en fous de ton corps. Tu devrais passer moins de temps à t’épiler et plus de temps à t’éduquer. Tu deviendrais intéressante et peut-être que là, j’m’en crisserais de ta plotte poilue. »

“You may look like a model, but you’re so superficial. I don’t give a damn about your body. You should spend less time waxing yourself, and more time educating yourself. You’d become interesting, and maybe then I wouldn’t give a fuck about your hairy pussy.”

Now there’s a counterexample if I’ve ever read one.

In a different letter written by Rammal (this one addressed to a woman who was talking about her menstruations on the bus), we discover the word graine.

Rammal tells the woman that he’s unsure if she’ll consider his opinion. He quotes a comedian from Québec:

J’ignore si tu prendras en considération mon opinion. Après tout, comme le dit si bien Sébastien Ravary : « Ton opinion, c’est comme ta graine; tu la gardes pour toi jusqu’à ce que quelqu’un te la demande. »

I don’t know if you’ll consider my opinion. After all, as Sébastien Ravary put it so well: “Your opinion is like your dick; keep it to yourself until someone asks for it.”

If you haven’t yet discovered Rabii Rammal, I highly recommend his writing as an entertaining way to discover, ahem, new ways of saying things in colloquial French. You can follow the links below to read the letters that inspired today’s post.

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French quotes by Rabii Rammal in:

«Cher gars qui aime La Voix», Urbania, Montréal, 13 février 2014.

«Chère fille qui m’a montré son tampon ensanglanté», Urbania, Montréal, 10 octobre 2013.

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